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A Father’s Day Poem to Share

June 20, 2010 by 50 Plus  
Filed under Inspiration, iphoneapp, Recent Posts, Relationships

What Makes a Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,

The majesty of a tree,

The warmth of a summer sun,

The calm of a quiet sea,

The generous soul of nature,

The comforting arm of night,

The wisdom of the ages,

The power of the eagle’s flight,

The joy of a morning in spring,

The faith of a mustard seed,

The patience of eternity,

The depth of a family need,

Then God combined these qualities,

When there was nothing more to add,

He knew His masterpiece was complete,

And so,

He called it … Dad.

I am grateful to the unknown author of this poem for sharing these special words. Although my father has passed on, this poem gives form to the memories I carry in my heart. Hope you’ll pass it on and share it with a special dad in your life.

Talking with Teenagers – How to Have the Tough Conversations

June 4, 2010 by  
Filed under Relationships

Sometimes teenagers aren’t given enough credit. They’re smart and, with the proper knowledge, they can make informed decisions just like any adult. The trick is having the wisdom to know when your teenager is ready to learn certain lessons.

Talking To Young Adults

It’s easy to forget that you shouldn’t treat teenagers like children. When you eye their every move and talk down to them, you’ll eventually lose their trust. When you allow them to be themselves and, at the same time, nurture them when they need it, they’re more likely to open up to you.

One reason why conversations with teenagers can be so difficult is because it’s challenging to walk that fine line between treating them like an adult, while still exerting some parental control. It’s also tough to watch your children make mistakes that you think you could’ve prevented. The only thing you can really do is give them advice when they are open to it.

These tips may help you strike a good conversation with your teen:

* Make an extra effort to talk to them, but don’t push the issue. It’s normal for a teenager to withdraw from communication from time to time.

* As long as you have no reason to be suspicious of them, you should respect their privacy.

* You can wait to have certain conversations with them until they’re ready, but on the other hand, you don’t want to wait too long.

Talking About Sex

Sex is a topic that you may naturally feel awkward talking about, no matter who you’re having a conversation with. With your own teen, it can be especially tough to have an open and honest talk.

Chances are they already know a great deal about this topic. However, if they ask you questions, be honest with your answers. It’s actually better for them to be getting information from you. You’ll know that what you’re providing is accurate, and you’ll be building a lasting relationship with your teen that will grow into adulthood.

While there are certainly differing opinions on the subject, try to get your perspective across without being judgmental.

Talking About Drugs

The topic of drugs is another important one. It’s best to be educated early on this topic. Children should be taught to avoid drugs, so it’s certainly a topic you should bring up with your teenagers from time to time.

If you’re involved in your teen’s life and have no reason to believe they’d be involved with drugs, you probably have nothing to worry about. However, if your teen acts withdrawn and you don’t know their friends very well, there might be a problem.

Trust your instincts. If you think something’s up, then strive to be more involved. You may be dealing with a tough situation and, therefore, you should make the extra effort to discuss the issue with your teen.

Trusting Your Teen

It all comes down to the issue of trust. Remember that trust is a two way street. If you maintain a good level of trust with your teen, they’ll feel comfortable having conversations with you. This will hold true even if it’s one of the tougher conversations. Just make sure you remain open to your teen, and they’ll come to you for advice.

Six Ways to Communicate Better with Your Partner

June 3, 2010 by  
Filed under Relationships

Communication is vital to a long and healthy relationship between you and your partner. However, it can be a difficult skill to master. When couples enter counseling for marital problems, a top priority is usually developing better communication between them.

Nobody is perfect. When you remember this fact, you’ll be ahead of the game even as you work to strengthen your communications. Nobody else thinks the way you do; that’s why no matter how perfectly matched you and your partner are, you still need to maintain a healthy level of communication.

Try these strategies to communicate better with your partner:

1. Be honest. Honesty is always the best policy. This is because your relationship is built on trust. If you violate that trust, it’ll damage the communication between the two of you. It’s more difficult to express yourself when you feel like there isn’t that basis of trust.

2. Listen well. Communication is a two way street and listening is half the equation. When you’re good at listening, you become good at interpreting and understanding your partner’s underlying feelings. When you understand your partner, you’re less likely to get into petty arguments because you’ll know where they’re coming from in the first place.

3. Let your partner finish what they’re saying. Whether you’re in the middle of an argument, or your partner’s just telling a story, be sure to hear them out. Listen to everything they have to say before you try to get some words in too.

* This will tell your partner that they’re important and what they have to say is worth listening to. If you jump in and interrupt, you’ll send the opposite message.

4. Share your feelings. Learn how to express your feelings with regularity. If it helps, schedule some time every week to check in with each other emotionally. It keeps you connected to your partner and you’ll both always know the status of the other person.

5. Make time for each other. It’s also important for your communications to share special time together. Perhaps you have similar interests and can bond over certain activities. Maybe you can schedule a date night where you can grab dinner together on a regular basis.

* Especially if your partner is going through a tough time, it’s important to clear out space in your schedule to support them and reinforce how much they mean to you.

6. Avoid reacting in anger. When you disagree, as all couples do from time to time, learn how to express your opinions in a healthy way. Avoid name-calling and take time to cool down if you have to. This is especially important if you tend to say things you don’t mean in the heat of an argument.

When you and your partner communicate well together, it strengthens your bonds of friendship and deepens your relationship. You connect on a deeper level and care about each other’s thoughts, feelings, dreams, and goals.

Even though it may take some work to bring about this deeper communication, the benefits are well worth it. Give these strategies a try, incorporate them into your daily life, and enjoy a new closeness as you take on the world together!

Seven Tips for Dealing with Difficult People

June 2, 2010 by  
Filed under Relationships

If you’re human, you’re going to be dealing with difficult people from time to time. You’ll find them at work, at home, or even while out shopping. While you’ll likely to solve a problem with a relative or friend differently than a stranger, there are also some universal ways of communicating effectively with difficult people.

Here are some tips to turn those lions into lambs:

1. Give them the benefit of the doubt. See if you can get to the root of why they’re acting difficult. Sometimes people are just having a bad day. Or perhaps the reason could have nothing to do with the situation at hand, but something else in their life.

2. Be kind. Fighting fire with fire often makes the situation worse. If someone’s being difficult with you, just keep a cool head and remain calm and kind. Chances are that this person will appreciate the fact that you’re being patient.

* Kindness can help your relationship with any difficult person. Even if you don’t particularly feel like being kind, try it at every opportunity. You could end up making a new friend!

3. Focus on the positive. This tip is especially important when the difficult person in your life is a family member. Because that person will always be in your life, it would benefit you in many ways to have a positive relationship. Even if they are difficult, they have some good aspects too. Spend your time focusing on and bringing out these positive aspects.

4. Avoid pointing fingers. It’s tempting to place blame for difficult situations on the other person. Adopt the mentality that neither of you are to blame for the problem. It’ll help you gain peace and clarity about the situation.

* It’s also important not to fight the other person. You don’t want to be considered a difficult person either. Practice expressing your opinion without resorting to arguments.

5. Focus on the humor. You’ve probably been in a difficult situation before where you suffered at the time, but later it turned out to be quite a humorous story. Find the humor in your current difficulty. It may help you both be more relaxed and apt to seek a positive solution.

6. Determine what can be remedied. Focus on the particular things that you can take action on in the situation. For instance, if you’re having a problem at work, mediate the problem if possible. In fixing what you can, you might find that many unresolved issues with others resolve themselves.

* You also need to have the wisdom to understand when you won’t be able to change something. You may need to come to terms with the fact that a person will always cause you difficulty. This acceptance alone may help you to better deal with this person.

7. Get help from others. You may be able to find someone who has gone through a very similar situation. Ask them how they handled the problem. This other person may be able to show you how to approach the situation with a different mindset. After all, you never really know what piece of important advice someone else may be able to give you.

Difficult people will always be in your life, but that doesn’t mean that dealing with them always needs to be hard. Try these strategies to smooth out challenging situations and make your communications more effective.

With a little effort and understanding, you may find that some of these people really aren’t even difficult at all!

How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude or Controlling

May 30, 2010 by 50 Plus  
Filed under emotions, iphoneapp, Reinvent and Grow, Relationships

Assertiveness is an important skill that can make your life more enjoyable, but, unfortunately, it’s also vastly misconstrued. Sometimes it’s difficult to be assertive, or make your beliefs known, while still maintaining peace and understanding.

Assertive people often come off as rude or controlling. This is because generally people don’t like to be told what to do or how to do it. The trick is in learning how to stand up for yourself without making others feel imposed upon. This is a skill you can develop with a little know-how and practice.

Try using the following tips in order to properly assert yourself:

1. Choose your words carefully. This is especially important if you’re going to assert yourself in situations where you were previously passive. Think about the different ways that your words can be interpreted. Write them down and read them back to yourself if that helps.


* Remember that there’s a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.

2. Develop good listening skills. Being assertive takes some great communication skills. Remember that communication has two sides – speaking and listening. Truly listening will help you clearly understand the situation at hand. When you follow up with thoughtful and assertive speech, others are more likely to value your opinion.

3. Avoid taking things personally. Since being assertive can be touchy, sometimes you’ll do everything right and still end up rubbing someone the wrong way. Learn how to brush off comments that don’t matter.

4. Be humble. You can combat resistance to your assertiveness by being humble. Avoid bragging about yourself, even if it’s in a joking manner.

5. Show confidence. People enjoy being led by people who ooze confidence. If you’re going to be assertive and take charge, show the confidence to back it up. People will sense your lack of confidence if it isn’t truly there, so give yourself permission to feel good about yourself and your accomplishments.

6. Handle negative issues quickly. If problems arise, jump on them immediately. It’s a part of being assertive. Handle issues with kindness and respect and people will remember you for it. If you let problems linger or treat them in a negative manner, people will remember that too.

7. Deal with feelings of superiority. You’re only human, so perhaps you do feel superior in a situation where you’re being assertive. If so, be careful to avoid acting rudely.

8. Apologize for mistakes. When you’re being assertive, you’re no doubt in the spotlight. When you make a mistake in the spotlight, everyone knows about it. Act appropriately and apologize, and people will respect you for owning up to it.

Remember that the skill of assertiveness is something that develops over time. It may be overwhelming to try to make drastic changes overnight. Ease yourself into it and test the waters. It’s always best to think with clarity and make your changes slowly.

With a gradual change, others will be more likely to accept your new assertiveness. Before you know it, you’ll have their respect for the new, improved you!

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