How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude or Controlling

Assertiveness is an important skill that can make your life more enjoyable, but, unfortunately, it’s also vastly misconstrued. Sometimes it’s difficult to be assertive, or make your beliefs known, while still maintaining peace and understanding.

Assertive people often come off as rude or controlling. This is because generally people don’t like to be told what to do or how to do it. The trick is in learning how to stand up for yourself without making others feel imposed upon. This is a skill you can develop with a little know-how and practice.

Try using the following tips in order to properly assert yourself:

1. Choose your words carefully. This is especially important if you’re going to assert yourself in situations where you were previously passive. Think about the different ways that your words can be interpreted. Write them down and read them back to yourself if that helps.


* Remember that there’s a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.

2. Develop good listening skills. Being assertive takes some great communication skills. Remember that communication has two sides – speaking and listening. Truly listening will help you clearly understand the situation at hand. When you follow up with thoughtful and assertive speech, others are more likely to value your opinion.

3. Avoid taking things personally. Since being assertive can be touchy, sometimes you’ll do everything right and still end up rubbing someone the wrong way. Learn how to brush off comments that don’t matter.

4. Be humble. You can combat resistance to your assertiveness by being humble. Avoid bragging about yourself, even if it’s in a joking manner.

5. Show confidence. People enjoy being led by people who ooze confidence. If you’re going to be assertive and take charge, show the confidence to back it up. People will sense your lack of confidence if it isn’t truly there, so give yourself permission to feel good about yourself and your accomplishments.

6. Handle negative issues quickly. If problems arise, jump on them immediately. It’s a part of being assertive. Handle issues with kindness and respect and people will remember you for it. If you let problems linger or treat them in a negative manner, people will remember that too.

7. Deal with feelings of superiority. You’re only human, so perhaps you do feel superior in a situation where you’re being assertive. If so, be careful to avoid acting rudely.

8. Apologize for mistakes. When you’re being assertive, you’re no doubt in the spotlight. When you make a mistake in the spotlight, everyone knows about it. Act appropriately and apologize, and people will respect you for owning up to it.

Remember that the skill of assertiveness is something that develops over time. It may be overwhelming to try to make drastic changes overnight. Ease yourself into it and test the waters. It’s always best to think with clarity and make your changes slowly.

With a gradual change, others will be more likely to accept your new assertiveness. Before you know it, you’ll have their respect for the new, improved you!

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Single-Tasking: The Sane Alternative to Multitasking

What do you do when you’re answering emails and suddenly the phone rings? Do you answer it and try to speak to the person while you finish your emails? Then the doorbell chimes. Do you go to the door while still on the phone? Now you have some decisions to make.

We live in a world where multitasking is commonplace. But is it the most efficient use of our time?

The Multitasking Myth

A number of states have already made it illegal to talk on your cell phone and drive at the same time. Some states won’t even allow you to drive and eat at the same time! These laws are based on the fact that if your focus is divided, accidents are more likely to happen.

Recent studies have also shown that when people are forced to change gears in the middle of a task, valuable time is lost. The more complex the task, the more time is lost. The lost time is the time that’s usually spent by the frontal lobe of your brain making decisions and establishing priorities.

* So when you multitask, rather than getting a lot more accomplished, you’ll find that the quality of your work diminishes significantly while important tasks actually take longer!

Single-Tasking: the Alternative

Just for argument’s sake, try spending one day where all you do is focus all your energy on one task at a time. You may be surprised to discover that you’re making significantly more progress than usual as you tackle one job at a time without interruption.

Without interruption? Perhaps you’re thinking, “That’s easier said than done.”

If so, here are some tips to help you gain the advantage of single-tasking:

1. Create a to-do list. Have categories on the list for home, work, etc. Write the items on your list in order of priority.


* Organizing your tasks will help you see everything you have to do and give you a definite place to start.


2. Keep a notebook handy. If ideas for another task come while you’re working on something else, jot them down quickly so you can continue concentrating on your current project. You won’t have to worry about forgetting your ideas and thoughts later.


3. Tune out distractions. If possible, turn off your phone or shut down your computer if they’re diverting you away from your present task.

* If you feel the urge to check your email, simply take a deep breath and continue working. Don’t worry; your email’s not going anywhere! It will still be there in the same place when you finish your current task.


4. Plan your day in blocks of time. Depending on the number of tasks you have to do this can be in hour-long blocks, or just 20 minutes.


* Make sure you leave some blocks open for unexpected situations that may arise.


5. Every now and then, take inventory. When you’ve completed a task successfully and have a few minutes to spare, use that time to check your inbox for any new situations that may have come up.


* You can then re-prioritize your to-do list if necessary.

Single-tasking might take some time to get used to, especially if you’re accustomed to working on multiple projects at one time. However, focusing your efforts on a single task will help you think more clearly and determine what steps must be completed.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of ideas but these tips will help you get started with single-tasking. Multitasking can be very stressful. Wouldn’t it be nice to make your life a little less chaotic? Single-tasking can do a world of good for your emotional, mental, and even physical well-being. It’s the sane alternative to multitasking!

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The 50 Plus Manifesto

man·i·fes·to, n. ma-nə-ˈfes-(ˌ)tō:

A written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives or views of its issuer.

I’m a Baby Boomer woman over 50 and this is my manifesto. It’s a declaration of how I’m living the second half of my life. The way I look at it – this is no longer a dress rehearsal. It’s the main act! So I want a solid plan that keeps me focused on an AMAZING life after 50 and gets me past the inevitable midlife crisis symptoms. To be honest though, like many 50 plus women and men, I’m making it up as I go along. And I don’t have to tell you that’s not always easy!

Think of the 50 Plus Manifesto as your compass for the second half of life that keeps you on track to answering the three big questions in our lives these days:

• Where am I now?
• Where do I want to be?
• And how am I going to get there?

If you’re struggling to answer these questions, then the 12 guiding principles of the 50 Plus Manifesto may very well help you make the rest of your life the best of your life:

1. I make time to know myself and be myself.

2. I dump my baggage and travel light.

3. I dream big and take action.

4. I embrace and use my imagination and creativity.

5. I do what I love – and if I’m not sure what that is yet, I let my passions and strengths lead me in the right direction.

6. I live life on my own terms.

7. I care for my body, mind and spirit; letting good flow in and the bad flow out.

8. I reach out to connect with friends – old and new.

9. I trust and value my intuition and gut reactions.

10. I make a positive difference in the lives of others.

11. I am grateful for each day.

12. I enjoy MY life.

What would you add?

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How to Motivate Yourself Quickly and Easily

Getting the motivation to do something whether it’s a trip to the kitchen or to pursue your dream career  seems easy enough, but few can sustain the motivation to follow-through consistently.

There’s always too much to do. The task is too big. Tomorrow’s a better day to get started. Right? There are a million reasons we don’t act, but almost always the consequences of our inaction are guilt and regret.

You’ll be glad to discover that you can stop that vicious cycle of inaction and regret and become the self-motivated person you always wanted to be!

Here are some excellent tips on how to motivate yourself, even when you’ve hit a setback, are in a slump, or haven’t even begun to figure out what you want from life:

1. Focus. Focus on just one goal at a time. Even if you’re working toward improving several areas of your life, focus on each goal separately. This helps to keep you from feeling overwhelmed and prevents you from giving up before you get started. Flush out everything else from your mind, and keep your energies focused on the one goal.

* Develop a tunnel vision focus to tune out unimportant tasks and distractions.

2. Envision results. Remembering why you’re inspired in the first place will refresh your motivation towards attaining your goal.

* Think of how your life will be changed and improved once you achieve this goal.

3. Start small. Determine the tasks necessary to reach your goal. Now divide these tasks into a series of smaller tasks. Continue this process until you’ve obtained tasks that you know you can accomplish. It’s like bite-size chunks. When the chunks are small enough, you know you won’t be biting off more than you can chew at one time!

* Attaining many small goals on your way to the big goal keeps you happy and motivated with constant successes.

4. Network. Talk to friends, coworkers, and experts in the area you seek to master. Get them to share tips, advice and experiences they’ve had that can help you to reach your goal. Surrounding yourself with people who have the same goals or have already attained them will inspire you to act.

5. Tell people about your goals. By telling people about your goal, you are making a pact that you will follow-through. Tell your friends, family and coworkers to energize your motivation.

6. Dedicate daily time. Dedicate a certain amount of time each day specifically to furthering this goal. Investing time in attaining your goal every day will keep it in your mind as positive action.

* Positive action propels success and diminishes doubts and regret.

7. Research. Research industry or topic books, blogs and forums. Anything you do to make yourself more knowledgeable about your goal can inspire you to act.

8. Reward yourself. When you accomplish a step or a positive outcome in your goal plan, reward yourself with a nice dinner or something that will make you feel special.

9. Learn from your mistakes. First, recognize that you will make mistakes and accept this. Second, take the opportunity to learn what to do (or not to do) the next time.

* Analyzing how to fix the error will push you forward with greater confidence.

10. Replace negativity with positive thoughts and actions. We all encounter those negative thoughts that tell us to give up, but knowing how to counteract them will keep you on track toward your goal. Your mindset and attitude determine the positive or negative outcome of any situation. Keep those positive thoughts and actions coming and success will surely follow.

* Negativity is not reality unless you make it so.

Self-motivation begins with the end in mind, and the only person who can get you there is you! By using this combination of tips and techniques, you can motivate yourself to take action toward your goals. You’ll be proud of yourself for doing something positive to make your life better. Plus, you’ll develop a mindset that will serve you well into the future for achieving more and more of what you want out of life!

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How to Overcome Stagnation

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut? Are you struggling in your love life, career, friendships, or passion?

It’s time to take action to fix the problem. You’ll first want to identify the areas of your life that feel “off.”

Take some time to reflect on what’s bothering you and why. Once you know what’s going on, it’s easier to find a solution.

Having a Goal

It’s important to have goals in all aspects of your life because it focuses your energy onto the big picture. When you have a purpose for your actions, you’ll begin to see those little steps being important building blocks for your end goal. Your life won’t seem so stale when you have your end goal in mind at all times.

Here are some tips for setting goals:

* Make your goals attainable. If you have lofty goals, break them up into smaller pieces.
* Write your goals down on paper and keep them handy.
* Always state your goals in a positive fashion (i.e. “I will be free of smoke…” instead of: “I will stop smoking…”)
* Be as detailed as you can when planning out your goals step by step.
* Fight the urge to procrastinate.

Take Action

Once you’ve discovered the areas of your life that need changing, and you have goals in mind, it’s time to take action. When things have hit a point of stagnation there is no other choice you have but to take swift action.

Remember that you can think, plan, or worry all day long but it’ll do nothing positive for your life if you don’t act.

Here are some strategies to keep in mind as you put your goals into action:

1. Don’t Hold Yourself Back. If you already know what’s holding you back, it’s time to fix the problem so you can take action. Is fear holding you back? If so, it’d be in your best interest to master your fears. A life full of stagnation because of fear will do more harm than good.

2. Be Consistent. Many people will crack down on changing their life and then drift back into a world of stagnation. Once you’ve started to take action, make sure it’s consistent action. This is the only way you’ll reach your life goals.

3. Right Now. You already have your plan in place and it’s broken up into small pieces. Ask yourself what you can accomplish right now to put yourself a positive step closer toward your goal. It doesn’t matter if you only have 15 minutes, there is sure to be something you can accomplish in that time period.

4. Take Time to Unwind. It’s easy to get excited and eager about your new goals and dreams, but ensure you schedule some “me time” as well. You need to be able to get a good night’s sleep and rejuvenate your body and mind. Otherwise, you risk physical and mental exhaustion, which will only bring you back to stagnation!

5. Take Notes. Be sure to take notes of your observations and tweak your actions along the way. Doing so will help you figure out what’s working for you and what’s not.

Picture Yourself

At the end of the day you should picture yourself having broken the chain of stagnation. Even if you’re not quite there yet, it’s important to remember that it’s possible and likely when you’re willing to change!

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